RYANGLANZER.COM INTERVIEW: ALEX GLANZER, 12/21/04
I recently had the chance to sit down with my 16-year old brother Alex, a junior at Willow Lake High School. Alex has a lot going on in his life. From his hobby of working on cars to his new girlfriend Ann Poppen, he's one busy dude. Being home over Christmas break, I thought it would be a great idea to share Alex's latest news with everyone.
What is your New Year's resolution for 2005?
A: I don't care if I lose any weight. Maybe we'll go with being able to bench 350 pounds by the start of 2006.
What is your favorite current TV show?
A: Umm, that's kinda a tough one. I'll split it between South Park and Overhaulin. It's where they steal a car, fix it up, and give it back to them.
Describe your normal shower routine.
A: I will first turn on the water, check the temperature, then pull the little lever and allow it to run over the showerhead. If I shave, I would do this first and then get in the shower. First I would get my hair wet and wash it using shampoo, then rinsing, then using conditioner, and rising. Followed by soaping the rest of the body and rinsing. Then I will turn off the water, get out, and dry myself off.
Where do you plan on playing college football?
A: Notre Dame. It should be pretty easy to get in there now.
Who is the worst pro athlete you've ever seen?
A: I've always heard Ahmad Rashad was really bad. I also remember Shane Monahan was really bad for the Mariners.
What baseball player do you think would make the farmhand for Dad?
A: Right off the top of my head I'm thinking David Ortiz. He could throw a square bale or two around. He might not be able to fit in the tractor.
Which of my friends from DSU or Valleyfair do you think you'd most like to meet?
A: I don't know of many others other than Jeff LaPlant, so I will go with him.
In ten seconds, make up some lyrics to a new country song.
A: It's 10:45. Bananas are good. The light is on. Everyone is home.
If a teacher got so mad at you that they punched you in the liver, how would you react?
A: Well it depends, if it was Tonak, I'd punch him back harder. If it was anyone else I'd just look around very confused.
Why do you continue to be an advocate for same sex marriages despite all the criticism you've received?
A: Well I just don't see how same sex marriages could possibly hurt anyone from around here, seeing how there aren't many gays in the area. It doesn't bother me. Actually, gays do bother me, but I don't see them around here.
If you had to name your wedding party at this moment, who would they be?
A: I don't know, hard to say. I might make Daniel [Virchow] one of them. Brock could probably be up there. Nathan would probably get a kick of being up there. Jim Opsahl will be ordained as a minister and do the wedding.
If Kenny Lusk started his own college and asked you to be Dean of Liberal Arts, what would you tell him?
A: I would ask him when I start.
Name three things you definitely do not want for Christmas.
A: Thongs, I wouldn't get any use out of those. Simba's dog poop that was in Peyton's room when I slept in there a couple weeks ago. Or a foreign car, unless it was a Mercedes like Nathan's cause that's funny.
What would be the funniest stunt for Taylon LaMont to perform in front of the student body?
A: Anything Taylon would do would be funny because he's so awkward. Maybe having Taylon try to leap frog Leland Poppen who is holding Lisa Hinkley on his shoulders.
Would you consider naming your first born baby Eli since Jordan and Calvin named their's Peyton?
A: I would consider it. But I would have to spell it Ely, no wait, they do spell it the same. Never mind.
If you could go to a deserted island with one popular singer, anyone whose name starts with L, one of my DSU friends, and one zoo animal, who would they be, and what would your one luxury item be?
A: Kenny Chesney because he's had island music videos and I think he'd know his way around an island based on that. Lou Piniella. It would give us a chance to catch up on old times. Jason LaPlant is always a good time. I think a zebra would be pretty harmless and it would be funny to see Lou Piniella and a zebra interacting on a daily basis. One luxury item would be a four-wheeler with extra gas or something so there would be mode of transportation.
What do you think you'll be doing on June 11, 2023 at 11:12am?
A: It depends, what day of the week is it? I'll probably be at my job, and at that time I'll be attending a car show as a spectator.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, Alex. Any closing remarks?
A: I'd just like to add that we're watching the Syracuse vs. Georgia Tech game and Syracuse is about to make the greatest comeback in the history of sports. It's 51-14 with a couple minutes left, but Syracuse is gonna pull something out of their ass and come back.