Hello Alex, how are you today?
So-so. It's been an up and down kind of day. My classes went swimmingly today, but work sucked, and I really didn't get any sleep last night so I was tired all day. I suppose it was average.

You are now a college boy. Tell us where you are at and why.
I'm in Wahpeton, ND at NDSCS. I'm here to learn auto body. So far I haven't.

I have noticed you've already been home the first two weekends of college. Those people always annoyed me. Will you ever stick around for a weekend in ND?
Yes, in fact I will be staying this next weekend. I really don't have any reason to come home this time. However, I do plan to return in two weeks as it's WL's homecoming, and I'd like to see the game.

On how many occasions have you hopped the ND border and gone into Minnesota since you've been there?
Ummm...zero.

How are you and Ann coping with being at different colleges?
Pretty well. We're finding time to visit both in person and on the phone, so that makes it a little easier. I think the phone bill will be at an all time high this month though.

Will you miss your old classmates from the Willow Lake days?
All of them...no. I'll miss a few I'm sure, but I think I'll be missing people from this years senior class more.

Tell us about your summer job at the PeaNotz company.
Well, I didn't actually work for Peanotz. I worked for Barley Tea. My normal work day would consist of waking up at 5:00 am in order to be to work by 6:00 am. I would proceed to stand (not sit) at the end of an assembly line and place 20 bags of tea (56 tea packets each) into cardboard boxes, seal the boxes, and stack them on a palette. On a normal day 180-200 cases would be produced. It was hard work, but it was always at least 90 degrees. I also loaded a truck container once a week or so. Me and 3 other high schoolers would have to stack 1309 or so boxes or tea into the semi. It was usually well over 100 degrees in that container. As the summer progressed my hours at the assembly line were reduced and I helped set up sunflower roasters instead. This was much more entertaining. At least with that job I got to weld and do some things of that nature. The pay was the only thing keeping me there, but that wasn't nearly enough for the amount of suffering I did.

Who is your college roommate and is he a righteous dude?
I'm rooming with Grant Majors from New Salem, ND. So far Grant and I have been getting along just fine and he seems to be quite righteous.

With Ann coming from a family with a pastor for a dad, have you become more spiritual?
No, not really. I have been to church 3 times in 2006 though.  That's up two times from 2005.

Your favorite sports teams used to be the Knicks, Jaguars, and Mariners. Does this hold true today?
No it doesn't. In fact, I could only name you two people on the knicks roster right now. In all honesty, I have no favorite team in any sport. I guess if I had to pick in MLB I would say the Twins. If I watch sports at all it's just because I want to watch a game, not a certain team. I'm not a bandwagon jumper either. I just don't care one way or the other who wins a particular game...as long as it's not the Yankees.

What is the best show currently on TV?
I really don't watch much TV anymore, but when I do I like to catch a good episode of Family Guy. There are few shows that can actually make me laugh and that's one of them.

What is the last movie you saw in the theater and how was it?
I think the last movie I saw was Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby. I saw it twice. I thought it was hilarious. Once again, I don't normally laugh at movies, but I was literally laughing throughout this one. I will probably own this when it's released.

Remember when we had that shareware version of the educational computer game School Mom and we made ridiculous quizzes for each other that made no sense?
Vaguely. I can remember doing that, but I can't think of the kinds of questions we would ask.

Whatever happened to the video tapes we made where we dubbed our voices over the actual TV voices for shows such as SportsCenter, The Match Game, and an NHL game?
I really don't know. I suppose some of them got recorded over. I know for a fact that the Terhark family has one. Jordan gave them that. But as to the whereabouts of the others...I have no idea.



 

How come I always seemed to beat you in Playstation sports games?
It's not just you, it's everybody. I'm a sucker for trying to keep the other guy happy. In the case of you and me I would always be kicking your ass in Madden, but I would screw off in the 4th quarter to try and keep it interesting. This would lead to you taking the win. In baseball it was because I would swing at everything no matter where it was. Basketball games were a bit of a toss up. If my memory serves me correctly I think I beat you on occasion there.

What is the most ridiculous name for a fantasy sports team you have come up with?
Well, it was probably all of the random Sosas. I don't even remember what they were, but it would be something like Rancid Sosa.

Tell us about your work with automobiles. You seem to own a few cars and then fix and sell them.
Well, you would be correct. Dad and I have been known to buy a car or pickup that's in need of mechanical or body repair. I can usually handle the body stuff, but I would have a hard time doing some of the mechanical stuff in Dad weren't there to help. Most recently we did a 97 Chevy pickup and a 97 Grand Am, both of which are for sale.

Who is the most disgusting person you know?
Wow...probably me.

What is your all-time record for most consecutive hours of being awake?
I think it was like...25 or something. I know it was only slightly more than a day.

Are you going to become active in any campus organizations?
Well, I doubt it I have a pretty full schedule as it is. I have classes from 8:00 am to 4:00pm and work from 4:00 to 6:00 Moday through Friday. So, after all that, I don't think I'll have much desire to do anything else.

Who would win between you and Ann in a staring contest.
I would. It's been proven a number of times that because of my lack of emotion I can stare at her much longer than she can at me. She usually laughs.

What do you normally pick first in rock-paper-scissors?
I'm a scissors guy, through and through.

What is the most jealous you've ever been of me?
Hmmm....I think it was when you got to go on all kinds of cool vacations with your friends' families. I would always be at home during the summer time while you were off living it up with the Hansons and such.

What is the most offensive bumper sticker slogan you can come up with?
Well, I guess it depends on who I'm trying to offend. In my case it would probably be something about fat people. But I'm no good at coming up with slogans.

How much would I have to pay you to put a Jesus fish on the back of your pickup?
Well, if it wasn't a permanent fixture, you wouldn't have to pay me anything. I would just take it off after a while.

Why do you think it's so fun to antagonize Granny, like when we picked her up the other night to go to supper? I'm not saying it isn't fun, but why?
Well, just because she's so gullible and she gets so flustered. It's not funny or amusing to people who don't know her, but I think it's fun to tease her once in a while. Not only that, but it keeps me from having to answer questions about who lives in certain houses (in most cases she doesn't know these people anyway).

What is your favorite Jason LaPlant memory?
Hmmm....my favorite LaPlant memory was hanging out with Jason at Korkys Bar in Yale, SD. Jason was determined to buy Nathan and I ice cream treats which we gladly accepted.

Last question. Who was the real star of Full House?
Well, it's obvious that the Olsen twins were the only ones whose careers actually benefited from being on the show. Everybody else went nowhere after that. It's a tough question though. Everyone of the main characters played just as big a role as the next. So the star was probably the entire Tanner family, immediate and extended.

Thanks for your time today, Alex. Any closing remarks?
I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of you who took the time to read this. My answers are nowhere near as funny as other people's, and you are all dumber for having read my responses to most of these questions. Thank you.