1. What is the worst current smell in your house?
Steve Carlson.

2. Who is the Valleyfair co-worker you're least likely to make out with?
Colonel Ohoompapa, but Lord knows I would like to.

3. What do you take for a nasty cough?
Nothing. I am a scientologist and I hate medicine.

4. What is your fascination with Celebrity Fit Club?
Celebrities that have every advantage that still bitch and freak out just like me.

5. What is the greatest Garth Brooks song ever?
"The Dance."

6. Do you know sign language?
I learned braille in school, not suck ass sign language.

7. Where is the last place you applied for a job?
Blockbuster.

8. Would you rather be too warm or too cold while sleeping at night?
Definitely cold. I almost enjoy it.

9. Do you prefer normal keyboards or the ergonomic ones?
I never learned how to properly type and I have seen ergonomic keyboards maybe twice.

10. What is the greatest song ever about broken hearts?
"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" by the Beatles.

11. What is the lamest Valentine's Day gift you've ever received?
I have never celebrated the holiday created by a greeting card company.

12. How many tires have you ever changed?
Zero. Jeff changed mine when it blew out on 35. Thanks number 3.

13. What is the most annoying habit of your roommate Patrick?
His healthy eating habits.

14. Do you think you'll ever bald?
I hope so because nobody in my family has and it would be nice.

15. What would your reaction be to a rabbit being let loose in your bedroom?
Very happy that the other pets I keep in my room would have a new friend.

16. Who would you most like to spoon with from the old DSU gang?
Tony Sorenson.

17. What kind of shampoo do you use?
Mother fucking Roundy's; it is the shit.

18. How long is the average Jason shower?
Seven minutes; I get my shit done in there.

19. Who will win the 2006, 2007, and 2008 World Series?
2006 the Giants, 2007 the Mets, 2008 the Yankees.  I love the Twins but God told me who would win.

20. Do you like pistachios?
Yes but they are expensive and sloppy like Patrick's love.

21. What is the funniest story you have involving a battery?
So I had just bought a pocket vagina and I needed two AAA batteries, so I took them from the DVD remote. Well, Chris Ahrendt wanted to watch a Reno 911 DVD. Long story short, I can't look Chris in the eye.

22. What's your all-time favorite video from AFV?
The one where the cat takes out the little kid.

23. When's the last time you were truly amazed?
When you said the Gophers would score a goal while you poured some wine and they did.

24. Best Chinese buffet ever?
The World Buffet in Apple Valley had that grill, but I will always love China Moon.

25. What one single crime do you think you'll never commit?
Sodomizing a kangaroo.

26. Would you take a job as a male porn star fluffer for $20k/year?
Yes but I want access to the craft service table and a bimonthly appointment with a doctor.

27. Have you ever eaten something that cost over $40?
I have had meals that cost that much but not one item.

28. What country has the funniest name?
Chile. It is a damn shame what happened to that TLC girl and an outrage that Chile the country has yet to change its name.

29. What is your current state of mind?
Happy; I like doing these interviews.

30. Would you rather rid the world of cell phones or marshmallows?
Marshmallows. I had a bad experience with a Samoan at a s'more contest.

31. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Nope and it burns when I pee.

32. What's the lamest ride at Valleyfair?
Wild Thing.

33. How much money is currently in your billfold?
Zero dollars. I have been trying to use my check card so I don't impulsively buy porn.

34. What is the funniest thing you can remember from an episode of Family Matters?
When Steve took Carl to court for killing his pet bug and Steve gives the emotional speech about friendship to the judge.

35. Who is the best late night show host?
Chevy Chase--he shot hoops with his guest. Brilliant!

36. Can you think of a catchy nickname for Brad Gausman?
Veggie Loving Cock Tease.

37. Who among your friends needs to gain the most weight in 2006?
Mike Carlson. I think he would look great at 320.

38. Which of your friends has the most attractive sister?
No comment.

39. Have you ever killed a dog by accident?
I killed a possum and a squirrel but if I killed a dog I would still be in bed.

40. Who is the most boring person to have a phone conversation with?
Nick Sandbuttle (Sandbulte) or the automated voice when I call the bank.

41. If there's another big road trip with the spring break '04 gang, where would you like to go?
Mexico. I want to see one of those donkey shows with T-Bolt.

42. Worst candy ever?
Good and Plenty. Those things are a sick joke.

43. Best movie with Chevy Chase?
That is weird; he was brought up by both of us. My question to the last time I was amazed has changed. His best movie is Cops and Robertsons.

44. Who is one person you hope never lays eyes on my website?
My mom or Jimmy Carter.

45. What is your favorite quote of your own from my list?
The ones I am too drunk to remember.

46. How long before the Brokeback line gets old. (i.e. "He got all Brokeback on me.")
Hopefully never. It works so well.

47. Which month deserves the fewest days?
October; it is a scary month.

48. Who is your most talented relative?
My dad's side has a lot of talented musicians bet Jeff is a master pig's feet chef.

49. What is the best thing about seashells?
Sucking on the shells and not getting sand in my mouth.

50. Where do you see Nick Sandbulte in five months?
Hopefully running a successful winery and hiring me to clean the restrooms.

51. If you played in the NBA, would you wear long or short shorts?
I would wear short shorts and expose myself often.

52. Describe your bed.
It is just a mattress with a bunch of blankets and sheets that I never make.

53. What would you do if you accidentally drank Steve's chew?
I would throw up, brush my teeth, and go to church and curse God for creating Carlson.

54. What's the best show on ABC?
"Lost."

55. How long would you let Stuart Scott follow you everywhere you went?
Four minutes then I would shoot myself.

56. What's the best name for a kitty?
Dragon--that is what I wanted to name our first cat.

57. Do you know your blood type?
.08 give or take a beer. Hahahaha, probably O.

58. What are the odds you have a fatal disease but are unaware of it?
I thought I was anemic at one point but I am probably disease-free unless you count the clap.

59. Will you ever sleep in our apartment storage room?
It is pretty much a given that I will.

60. What is one food you want to cut out of your diet?
Py-oh-my, just kidding, that is my diet.

61. Who will lead the Twins in home runs this year?
We will get LeCroy back and he will lead the team with 21.

62. Sauna or steam room?
Steam room--it gets hot quicker and I like breathing in the steam.

63. Bananas or watermelon?
Watermelon; bananas are going extinct and I don't want to get too attached.

64. Bikinis or waffles?
Waffles. Bikinis make me look fat.

65. Lard or Windex?
Windex. I hate streaky windows.

66. Best baseball player of your lifetime.
Rickey Henderson or Matt Lawton.

67. Ugliest animal you've ever seen.
That fucking dog from the internet.

68. Who would be your current best man/groomsmen for your future wedding?
Jeff would be my groomsman, an assortment of friends including you would be groomsmen, and my mail order wife's favorite cousin would have to be thrown in there too.

69. Person you most want to see drunk but never will?
Obviously Sandbuttle.

70. What is your least favorite song that I consider to be great?
I never thought "This Time of Year" (Better Than Ezra) was that great.

71. Is there any chance at all you could be convinced that your life is like The Truman Show?
I used to think that was very possible, but now I really hope people aren't watching.

72. Worst Jim Carrey movie.
There was this piece of shit called Rubberface, and Fun with Dick and Jane was insulting.

73. TV show most in need of cancellation.
"60 Minutes" or "Sesame Street."

74. What kind of bottled water is best?
The tap of the kitchen of Minneapolis apartment. Fuck bottled water!

75. How long has it taken you to answer these questions so far?
Twenty minutes.

76. Are you still enjoying this interview?
Hell yeah I am.

77. Can you milk a cow?
Yep, I can deep fry it too.

78. Have you ever visited Dodge City, Kansas?
Nope, I don't trust Jayhawks.

79. Does your dad like gummI bears?
I don't think so; I know he dislikes Jello.

80. Laundry detergent of your choice?
Whatever Patrick is using; take that Patrick!

81. Best Liz Burke story.
I think the best story she ever told was about the guy pooping in a box and leaving it at the donation door of the place Liz worked in Detroit. I laughed really hard and then couldn't stop thinking about the planning and the hate it would take to do something like that.

82. Who is your hottest all-time teacher?
Deb Tech Coffey.

83. Would you ever consider enrolling in college again?
Yeah I probably should but right now I just want to dance.

84. How do you like your eggs done?
Overeasy, but I always fuck it up and scramble them.

85. English muffin or bagel?
An English muffin with apple butter makes me believe in God.

86. What is a football score you think will never happen?
92-87.

87. Honestly, do you like Bon Jovi more now than before the concert?
Yes I always liked their songs but at the concert they really showed how dedicated they are to their fans and how good they still are.

88. What's the drunkest you've ever seen Steve?
Probably the time he tipped over in his chair four times, kept saying he was the Godfather and to "put on the good shit." He ate two basically raw chicken sandwiches, and ended the night by smoking a cigarette which he never does and tried putting it out on the carpet.

89. Do you find yourself attractive?
Nope. I have an ugly soul and an ugly face.

90. If you could be a dog but have your current brain, would you do it to become a TV star dog?
No cause dog food tastes bad.

91. The marshmallow salesman being beat up by Billy Martin story was pretty great right?
God that made my night. Mad props to the Lynch's for a great meal and for being really good conversationalists.

92. What's the one road that is in serious need of construction?
35W has more pot holes than Pot Hole City, Arkansas.

93. Do you ever wear slippers?
Yes I have Homer Simpson ones and they are lovely.

94. Have you ever eaten play-doh?
I have licked it and it tasted salty but I did not swallow it much like other objects I have put in my mouth.

95. Do you sweat when you eat?
No but I would like to try.

96. Last time you visited a dentist.
Like two or three years ago. I brush my teeth way more than when I was ten cause I can't afford a dentist or a new tooth brush.

97. What question from this list amused you the most?
I chuckled remembering the Billy Martin story.

98. Best memory you have from 1990.
Watching Dances with Wolves with my mom and brothers while eating my mom's trail mix.

99. What's the most inappropriate thing you've said to a friend?
All I do is say inappropriate things to friends and my good friends have come to expect it and that is why we are good friends.

100. Which of your friends do you consider the biggest "sillyhead?"
You Glanzer. You are a great big sillyhead.

Thanks for your time, Jason!