1. Would you rather own the Twins or create a new baseball team in a city of your choice?
I’d rather own the Twins. If I created a new team I’d still be cheering for the Twins anyway.

2. What is your favorite Cuba Gooding Jr Movie?
I can’t think of many, but I liked Rat Race the first couple times I saw it.

3. Would you grow a rose garden for $1,000 a year?
I don’t see why not. It would probably be good for me to take up gardening.

4. Do you like Kanye West?
Not so much. I can respect people who do like his music, but I can only name that one big song of his. Just not my thing.

5. Would you be upset if there were strawberries on your wedding cake?
If I specifically didn’t want strawberries, then maybe, but otherwise I think it would be a welcome addition.

6. Would you go to church every Sunday for ten years for $ 2,000 dollars?
Not a chance. I wouldn’t even consider that offer for $20,000.

7. Do you think I am better looking than David Spade?
You each have your striking features. Spade is a little too small and weak. You’re more of a woman’s man.

8. How would you rate yourself as a poker player?
Terrible, but sometimes lucky.

9. What is your favorite kind of chewing gum?
The original pink Extra.

10. What is the one TV show you really want on DVD?
I think I speak for many of us when I say “The Wonder Years.” But getting the rights to the music is said to be too expensive for them.

11. Would you have sex with Madonna five years from now?
Well, I hate to answer questions like this knowing my family will be reading it, but I suppose if the opportunity came up and I was single, I would not turn it down.

12. Do you wish you drank more whiskey?
Nah, I’m happy with the different liquors I drink now.

13. Who is your all time favorite Simpsons character?
I’ve always been a Barney Gumbel fan. Sometimes I like Krusty too. But they’re all losing their edge.

14. Do you miss that show pop up video as much as I do?
It was kinda fun to watch once in a great while. I didn’t even realize it was gone.

15. How many books do you read a year?
Literally none. I read lots of articles in magazines and online, but as for books, none.

16. Tell me something interesting about corn on the cob?
Dad grows it and I used to help pick it when it was that time of year.

17. Do you carry a condom on you at all times?
No, but for some reason Steve gave me a mint flavored one the other night.

18. Do you think you could ever fall madly in love with someone and marry them on your second date?
I think it’s possible, but doubtful.

19. Did you like that movie Cobb starring Tommy Lee Jones?
I’d be lying if I said I’ve seen that movie in its entirety, but from the parts I vaguely remember it was okay.

20. I happen to love internet porn do you?
I think I speak for 98% of American red-blooded males when I say it’s the reason the internet is where it is today.

21. Do you think you would look funny in a police officer uniform?
I think it would be a pretty good laugh if I came down the steps of your apartment dressed like that.

22. How much would you pay to see Rascal Flatts in concert?
Up to $43.50. They’re pretty good, but I wouldn’t go too crazy.

23. Would you ever consider wearing a sleep mask?
I think I would, but it might feel funny and I’d be concentrating on that too much and couldn’t fall asleep.

24. Do you prefer apple cider or apple juice?
Juice. Cider is good around the holidays but it’s too spicy to drink all the time.

25. Do you feel another Ace Ventura movie is necessary?
No, the first ones sucked!

26. If you and I were to get matching tattoos what do you honestly think they would be?
Mine would say “912” and yours would say “North Egan.” And to be honest, if you were up for doing that, I would really do it.

27. What is your favorite key on a keyboard?
| That straight vertical line comes in handy and is underappreciated.

28. Are you as happy as I am that you never learned a foreign language?
It might be handy at some point to be able to speak another language, but I am glad I didn’t waste my time doing it like everyone else.

29. Do you think you could out drink Cristian Guzman?
I don’t know how they drink in the Dominican, but he’s a pretty slim guy who can’t hold much.

30. How long do you think you could stay up for?
I stayed up for 44 straight hours in 2001 on the big road trip, and I kept passing out on the streets of Chicago at Navy Pier. Today, I doubt I could do that.

31. What was the best sandwich you ever had?
Probably one from Famous Dave’s. One of those pulled pork ones with the Devil’s Spit BBQ sauce.

32. Would you have sex with me for 3 million dollars?
As disturbing as that would be for both of us and whoever found out about it, I could use the money.

33. Do you think Shaggy will have another big hit?
I think he’s a thing of the past. He might have another hit but he’s so 1999.

34. Would you kiss Kirby Puckett on the cheek for a nice piece of fish?
Probably, because who can say they’ve kissed a hall-of-famer for fish? It’d be a great story.

35. If you could have one arcade game in your house what would it be?
I think a pinball machine would go over well. It’s something I wouldn’t get too mad at.

36. Do you kind of wish VCRs were still big?
I like that technology is making them obsolete, but I still have one and use it occasionally.

37. Would you take an entire summer off work and be trained by Tiger Woods at a resort to be a amateur golfer?
No, I don’t think it’d be worth it, especially if it meant I wouldn’t be getting paid.

38. What is your favorite number?
85—It was my high school football number, the year my first car was made, and Antonio Gates’ number.

39. Would you pierce your lip for $600?
Doubtfully, I have a low tolerance for lip pain.

40. If you could only wear one shirt for the rest of your life what would it look like?
I might as well promote myself and wear a ryanglanzer.com shirt.

41. Do you want an erotic cake at your bachelor party?
I think it would be funny, but I don’t plan on doing much cake-eating then.

42. Would you get mad if Eric Clapton tapped you on the butt?
I would probably be a little weirded out at first, but when I realized it was him I’d be okay with it.  Wow, we're on #42 and that's like the fifth gay-related question.  Is there something you want to confront me about Jason?

43. What is your favorite movie that has somebody in a Santa suit in it?
I was a big fan of Home Alone when it first came out, and that’s still a classic.

44. Do you hate Peggy Hill?
I actually do. She’s not the lovable character Hank is.

45. Who is your favorite movie critic?
Jay Sherman from the animated show “The Critic.” Ebert is good too.

46. Do you think Kenny Chesney is bald?
He’s probably balding if he’s not bald already.

47. Do you think it would be fun to hangout with Drew Carrey?
Yeah, I didn’t really watch his show but I think it would still be a good time.

48. Do you think Jerry Seinfeld will ever star in a feature film?
No, as much as I love “Seinfeld” he just can’t act. If he played himself again, though, then it would work.

49. Will you cry when Bon Jovi breaks up?
I would cry myself to sleep.

50. Do you think you look good in hats?
Not really. I have to wear baseball caps backwards otherwise I think I look funny.  I wear hats to capture an essence, not for looks.

51. What is your favorite smell for a candle?
There’s a good wildberry one I know of.

52. What is your favorite toy company?
I’ve always liked Mattel. They seem to hold up over time.

53. What school lunch meal do you miss the most?
In hindsight, as bad as they were then, I kinda miss a lot of them. One that I always liked was the chili/cinnamon roll meal. As much as everyone else hated it, I also liked the hamburger gravy/mashed potato day.

54. Would you be upset if your nickname was Tex?
As long as people didn’t think I was from Texas it’d be cool.

55. Do you think the three stooges were funny?
I didn’t. But then again they weren’t really my generation either.

56. What is your favorite blizzard flavor?
Just a plain old Butterfinger blizzard hits the spot with me. Mint Oreo is good too.

57. Who is a worst actor Ray Romano or Jerry Seinfeld?
As bad as Jerry is, “Welcome to Mooseport” was just sickeningly awful.

58. Do you think you could take Craig Kilborn in a fight?
It’s very likely, but Kilborn might have some skull-smashing bodyguards to take care of me.

59. What is the meaning of life?
I think it is to pick something to like, and have it do well. If I like the Twins and they win the World Series several times in my lifetime, then that’s all the more reason there is for living.

60. Do you read the City Pages?
I was once told they were written by homeless people, so that kinda turned me off, even if it’s untrue.

61. Do you wish acid wash jeans would come back?
I had a pair that I was embarrassed to wear when they were in style, but I could see them coming back and I would like it.

62. Would you get liposuction if it was free?
No, I doubt it. I would have to gain a lot of weight and be very depressed to consider it.

63. How much would you pay to see the Flaming Lips?
Up to $60. That’s one show I really would like to see someday.

64. Have you ever watched TV for 24 straight hours?
No, but 12 hours is pretty likely. One summer day in like 1996 I think I got up and started watching TBS in the morning and finished at night with TNN’s coverage of the CMA Awards. That’s when I really felt like a loser.

65. What is your favorite kind of flower?
I just like a good yellow one. I don’t really care what kind.

66. How many times a week do you feel sexy?
How many times a week do I not feel sexy?? No, I suppose between three and seven. I usually think I got it goin’ on after I get all showered up and dressed.

67. What is your favorite ten letter word?
Bastardize.

68. Do you like refried beans?
Nope, not a fan. I don’t even blow air.

69. At what age did you find out the dirty meaning of 69?
To be honest, all throughout high school I thought it had a Satanic meaning. I thought it was the same as 666. Now I know.

70. Would you want to spend a month in China?
Yes, I would jump at the opportunity. You know how I love Chinese food.

71. Do you think Mandy Moore and Zach Braff will marry?
I hope not. I don’t care for Mandy Moore, at least not as an actress.

72. Have you ever put mashed potatoes on your nipple?
Not in the last five years anyway. I would like to try.

73. Have you seen Dr. Zhivago?
No, and I’m not even sure what that is.

74. Would you let your facial hair grow for five years for $4,500?
That I would do later in life. Right now it would just be weird.

75. Do you think a baseball player will ever hit 80 homeruns in a season?
Now that they’re cracking down on steroids, I don’t think we’ll see 70 again.

76. Do you think Allen Iverson will ever win a championship?
Nope, he’ll never get the supporting cast he needs in Philly.

77. Have you ever shaved the hairs around your nipples?
I think I might have shaved one off once just for fun, but otherwise no.

78. Did you ever like Dilbert?
I kinda can see why some people find them amusing, but I don’t care too much for it.

79. Do you like log cabins?
Yes, I am excited to start helping you build yours up north!

80. Would you like to tour with Hanson for three months?
I think it would be fun as far as the travel part goes, but I can’t see myself liking those guys much.

81. Which celebrity do you think will die next?
Andy Griffith.

82. How many seasons do you think the Office will last?
I hope it goes for like six or seven. I think it will make it through at least four.

83. Would you be the Pope if asked?
I would be a bad, bad Pope. No.

84. How much have you done to help the victims of Katrina?
I wrote an article about it in the Trojan Times I think. That helped some.

85. Canada sucks fact or fiction?
Fiction. In many ways I like it better than the US. Cleanliness is a big factor.

86. How fast can you throw a baseball?
I’ve only been clocked once, and that said I was throwing like 35 and I was throwing as hard as I could, so I doubt that is accurate. I would say upper 60’s anyway.

87. Do you think you are funnier than Jimmy Fallon?
I think Jimmy Fallon is pretty lame, and he sure can’t keep a straight face ever on SNL. I think I could be funnier than him.

88. Would you like to be on the Real World?
To this day I’ve never seen an episode, so I don’t really know what all would happen. There are some times when it would be cool to be on TV, but I really don’t think I’d like that too much.

89. Have you ever had a paper cut?
I think we’ve all been there, but I don’t go there very often. I’ve had like five bad paper cuts ever.

90. Do you find any cartoon characters sexy?
Lois Griffin is alright.

91. Do you feel your internal alarm clock is strong?
I really do wake up several minutes before my alarm goes off almost every morning now that I’m on a schedule.

92. Would you try Meth for 1 million dollars?
If I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble and I knew I wouldn’t get sick or die, I’d do it for a million.

93. What is your favorite board game?
I freakin dominate at Scattegories. That’s one game where luck can’t help you.

94. Have you ever broke a can opener?
I did, and as recently as four months ago. I just couldn’t figure out how to turn it.

95. Do you think you have a good grip?
No way. I can’t swing a bat without batting gloves.

96. Have you ever pooped in the shape of a letter?
If you count "I" then yes, many times. As far as W’s and Q’s go, not that I can remember.

97. How many hours a month do you watch the food network?
0-1. It seems like so many of my friends love that channel though that I often end up watching it by default.

98. Does Paris Hilton bug you?
Yes because she still hasn’t done a damn thing to earn her celebrity status.

99. Have you ever had sword fish?
No but I hear it’s a tasty treat.

100. What was your favorite top 100 list on television?
I liked the 100 best one hit wonders.

101. Who was your favorite Family Feud Host?
Ray Combs. It’s a damn shame what happened to him.

102. Who is your favorite Beatle?
John Lennon.

103. Would you rather own a jet ski or a pinball machine?
Probably jet ski, even though I would get to use it very rarely.

104. Are you going to make an effort to see Dave Chappelle’s Block Party?
Not at all, but if I happen to catch it that would be cool.

105. What is Nick wearing?
I haven’t seen Nick yet today, but I will put money on him wearing a Vikings shirt. He has a lot of Vikings shirts.

106. What would have been your specialty on Beat the Geeks?
Seinfeld knowledge or maybe HTML.

107. Do you think you will ever coach a little league team?
I don’t think I’d want to. I wouldn’t want to deal with the angry parents whose kids don’t get to play enough.

108. What can you tell me about Taco Bell?
That Patrick Lynch’s drunken drive thru remains one of the top ten funniest things I’ve ever witnessed.

109. How many movies do you think you will see in the theater this year?
At most, ten. I just don’t go as often as I’d like.

110. What is your least favorite cable network?
No offense, but I can’t watch BET. There’s nothing on that channel for me.

111. Me and Patrick are going to see James Blunt; are you jealous?
Kinda, I do like his big hit “You’re Beautiful.”

112. Would you pay Kelly Clarkson $250 to make a duet single with you?
Yes, that would be a pretty good experience.

113. Did you like your high school principal?
Yeah, I had two—Birchem and Stobbs. They both were the football coaches at the time too, so I got yelled at by both of them, which of course didn’t set well with me. But they were fine principals.

114. Point Break 2 should definitely be made right?
I wouldn’t go see it but I imagine others would salivate at the very idea.

115. How well do you think you would handle Chinese Water Torture?
Not sure what that consists of, but the word “water” sounds very enticing!

116. What the hell happened to Whoopi Goldberg’s career?
That’s funny; I asked you a Whoopi question too. The simple answer is the shitty movie known as “Eddie,” where Whoopi is the coach of the Knicks. Worst movie ever, hands down.

117. Would you like to be interviewed by Oprah?
Yes, I would be thrilled, for real.

118. What event would you like to excel at in the Olympics?
Something obscure like the luge, where people would ask me where I even would practice luging.

119. Have you ever seen me naked?
No, believe it or not. You peed with your pants down out that hotel window in Indiana, but I could only see you from the back.

120. Do you like the smell of tires?
I guess so, but when someone peels out that’s not the greatest ever smell.

121. Do you think god is a man or a woman?
I think God is a Chia Pet. But, if he is a human with one of two genitalia, I’d go with male.

122. Would you really miss Iceland if it was gone?
I think it’s a great name for a country, so yes.

123. What is the highest you have ever counted out loud?
I really did sit in a swimming pool in like 1987 and count to 1000.

124. Would you pick up a smoking habit for $500,000?
I could try but it wouldn’t work. I just can’t inhale cigarette smoke. I would just make myself really sick.

125. Do you think Chris Ahrendt would make a good king?
Probably the best king. Chris is the king of math as it is. Why not let him rule an empire?

126. How many times have you seen Dazed and Confused?
About seven. I saw it as recently as January.

127. Which Neil Young song do you wish you would have wrote?
Either “Heart of Gold” or “Like a Hurricane.”

128. Do you prefer red or green grapes?
Red, but don’t know why.

129. Who is your favorite character from Boy Meets World?
Eric was funniest. He was just such an idiot.  But then again I now have a friend named Feeney just like the principal.

130. What was your favorite Super Bowl ad?
I really liked that ESPN Mobile one just because Torii Hunter was in it. But the best commercial was the Sprint Ringtones one where the couch started on fire.

131. Did you ever complete the game Mouse Trap?
Many times, Jason. Many times.

132. Are you in favor of a full length Simpsons film to end the series?
Absolutely not. Just stick a fork in that show; it is way past done.

133. Who was the first girl you ever slow danced with?
Good question. I think it was Kyla Madsen when we were in Heather Wicks’s wedding in 1991 or so.

134. What was the most overplayed song of 2005?
That Bananas song by Gwen Stefani. I like Gwen but that song just plain sucked.

135. What is your favorite Val Kilmer movie?
“Real Genius,” for sure. It’s so stupid you have to love it.

136. What is your favorite beer?
I still really like Anhueser World Select, but it’s so damn expensive. I like Summit a lot too.

137. When was the last time you took a bubble bath?
It’s been way too long ago and that sounds very enticing right now. Probably the mid-90’s.

138. What is your deepest darkest secret?
To be honest, I don’t have much that I’ve kept to myself. There is one story from 1992 that can never be retold.

139. When you wipe your butt which direction do you go in?
Wow, I didn’t think we were gonna go there. Umm, whatever pattern gets the job done.

140. What will be the first name of this season’s American Idol?
Paris. Right now there’s this little 16-year old black girl named Paris who has some seriously good vocals.

141. Would you like to live in a retirement home?
Not unless I was so bored and lonely that it was my only option.

142. Who will win the Masters?
Vijay Singh.

143. Are you happy?
Overall, yes. Things are pretty decent.

144. How many times did it take you to pass your driving license test?
Just once. I got an 88%.

145. Did you vote in 2004?
I did. I voted for Kerry for pres, mostly because of what Michael Moore told me in Missouri.

146. Terrorism yay or nay?
Nay. From what I hear people aren’t that fond of it.

147. Do you find Big Bird annoying?
I don’t pay much attention to him anymore, but back in the day I was a big fan, so no, not annoying.

148. How did Mary J Blige become so popular?
I really don’t know. I think she has a good voice but I don’t know any of her songs that well.

149. What is your favorite multiple of 5?
85, since it’s also my favorite number.

150. How many eggs do you eat in a year?
I’ve been eating a lot of eggs recently. I would guess about 150.

151. Would you ever rob a sperm bank?
For the sperm or the money? Either way, yes.

152. Do you want to know what love is?
I want you to show me.

153. Have you ever microwaved a cookie?
That’s pretty likely, but I don’t remember it.

154. Who is the greatest drummer of all time?
Tico Torres of Bon Jovi. Either him or my old high school friend Guy LaMont. He could drum like no one’s business.

155. Would you like to join the American Legion?
No. I would like to pretend to join but I don’t want the responsibilities.

156. Have you ever blown your nose with a newspaper?
Sadly yes. Normally I would just blow my nose into the air but this one time I felt like I needed to be polite so I used a piece of newspaper.

157. What is the longest you have sat on a toilet?
I have an honest answer for you but it’s pretty embarrassing. Let’s just say I once was so backed up as a kid that I played dominos on a TV tray while sitting on a toilet.

158. Tell me something about Fabio?
I think he’s made fun of more than he’s respected.

159. Did you like Milli Vanilli?
No, I never got into that jazz.

160. Binoculars or telescope?
Binoculars. A telescope at a Twins game is overdoing it.

161. Do you want to see Ocean’s 13?
Is that even for real? Jordan bought me Ocean’s 12 for Christmas and I still haven’t had a chance to watch that.

162. Would you ever consider getting a coke enema?
Do you mean like a Coke-flavored enema? I guess not.

163. Who is your favorite poet?
Jewel. Remember her book of war poems she released?

164. Who killed JFK?
No one killed JFK. A bullet killed him!

165. What is your favorite playing card?
King of diamonds.

166. Would you work at a KFC full time for one month for free chicken for a year?
Back before MB, Inc. it would have been a good option.

167. Are you a good Jenga player?
My hands are pretty shaky to begin with, so not really.

168. Did OJ do it?
I’d like to say he didn’t, but it just seems way too obvious that he did.

169. When was the last time you played pogs?
I don’t know that I ever played them, but I did collect a few. Actually I found some DQ pogs at work.

170. Ice T or Ice Cube?
Ice Cube. I liked his movies.

171. Have you ever put icy hot on your genitals?
Yes and it burns like the dickens.

172. How likely is a Ryan Glanzer offspring in the next 5 years?
That’s not an easy question to answer. I would say 50/50.

173. Do you chew your fingernails?
Yes. I don’t know the meaning of the word “clipper.” Well, I do, but I don’t use them.

174. Have you been fox hunting?
I tried to catch a fox in a box with a rope once but it didn’t work. I know of people who have fox hunted and eaten the tender, succulent meats over stovetop.

175. Have you ever killed a ladybug?
Yes. When I found out some of them were male I lost a lot of respect for them.

176. Do you think Garth Brooks will tour again?
Within the next three years I bet he does. And I will try to go see him if at all possible.

177. Do you think you have kind eyes?
I think I have luscious eyes, but not kind.

178. Do you think prime numbers are a myth?
It’s a lot like the Sasquatch, or his cousin, the Yeti. They’re out there but it’s hard to prove anything.

179. Would you pay five dollars to see NickelBack in concert?
I sure have no interest in seeing them. Their songs are good initially but after two times of hearing them I realize they all sound identical.

180. What is your favorite Brad Pitt movie?
I did like Ocean’s 11, and Cutting Class had its moments.

181. Which country has the best flag?
I like Nepal’s because it’s not rectangular like everyone else’s.

182. Have you ever touched your eye with your pinky?
Yes, and I’ll do it again right now for your enjoyment.

183. Have you watched Gone With the Wind?
No, but I’ve heard it’s worth a watch.

184. Do you think you would be a better Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune contestant?
Any idiot off the street can play Wheel of Fortune. It’s so stupidly easy. But then again it’s all about the luck of the spin, and that’s where my downfall would be. So Jeopardy.

185. Would you ever consider subscribing to a service like Netflix?
Not right now. It’s just not that often that I can sit down and plan to watch a movie.

186. How long do you think you will continue to use Facebook?
At first I was a big naysayer, but it has proven its worth. I’m sure it will wear off within a year, but for now I still like to play around on it.

187. What do you think of when you hear the word foot job?
That time you and Vincent were playing under your bedsheets.

188. Do you give off a good first impression?
Oftentimes yes, and then I have to live up to it. It sucks.

189. When was the last time you used a coupon?
It’s been a really long time. I’ve sent in rebates and stuff, but coupons don’t happen much.

190. Who would win in a fight King Kong or the Genie from Aladdin?
King Kong. He beat up several dinosaurs.

191. Who is the best host of SNL?
I like the Christopher Walken ones. But the Jerry Seinfeld one was pretty funny too.

192. Who was your favorite Mortal Kombat character?
Was Rasputin one? I never paid much attention to that crap.

193. Did you ever play that game Myst?
Not something that tickled my proverbial funnybone. No.

194. Cream soda or Root Beer?
I like a good Barq’s root beer.

195. Favorite Wes Anderson movie?
That’s tough, because I really liked “Bottle Rocket,” “Life Aquatic,” and “Royal Tenenbaums.” Probably “Bottle Rocket.”

196. Do you like RuPaul?
No, in fact I don’t even know why she’s popular to begin with? What was she in? Or is it he?

197. What do you think of Tony Kornheiser being on the new MNF broadcast team?
Bad move. Here’s for real who it should have been. Bob Costas, Michael Wilbon, and Dan Fouts.

198. Duke or UNC?
UNC, although I dislike both.

199. Why did it take them so long to make Bambi 2?
There were script problems from day one.

200. Do you think TV guide is a necessary publication any more?
The listings section isn’t relevant, but the articles will entertain for years to come. And why the hell did they change the size? I liked the little TV Guides.

201. Would you have seen the Chris Gaines movie?
Probably. It would have been stupid enough to work.

202. What do you think of all this political cartoon controversy?
I think it’s a little over-the-top how much coverage it’s getting. Everyone involved is an idiot.

203. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Aniston. I have an autographed 8x10 of her somewhere.

204. Was 2004 a good year for you?
It was a tremendous year. That was the year of the Twins in the playoffs, the Jeff LaPlant Thanksgiving in July, the year you moved into the house at DSU, the year Patrick got it on in the apartment bathroom… oh, I’ve said too much. Good year.

205. Do you think learning Latin would impress girls?
It wouldn’t not impress them. Brains go farther than you’d think with the ladies.

206. Have you ever cleaned grout?
I have no idea what that means.

207. Favorite Bill Murray movie?
I love his role in Kingpin. Ernie McCracken is one of the greatest movie characters ever.

208. Do you believe in personal pride?
Well it counts for something.

209. I just found a hair in my tuna sandwich I am going to continue eating it would you?
I don’t like tuna to begin with, so no.

210. Does it bother you I wrote a huge chunk of these questions while watching hours of ABC family?
Not at all because I know you like “Boy Meets World” and they air plenty of that show.

211. If I set you up on a blind date would you go?
I would do it but I’m not sure what kind of girl would agree to be set up on a blind date by you.

212. What movie starlet did you first have a crush on?
Well, there were a lot of TV girls but I can’t think of any from movies. There was Alyssa Milano, Candace Cameron, Tracy Gold, Christine Lakin, and even Olivia d’Abo from TV.

213. I don’t really like rye bread does that make me a racist?
As long as you don’t discriminate against rye bread it’s okay. You don’t have to like it, just be nice to it.

214. Becks Premier Light sponsors poker tournaments how do you feel about that?
Obviously they need to do more because I’ve still never bought that beer.

215. Where do puppies come from?
Puppies are the byproduct of years of dedication and hard work.

216. Do you think people would treat you differently if you were a woman?
I certainly hope so. I mean, if I were a woman you’d still have to figure I’d be a good 6’1” or so, and really tall girls get more looks than really tall men.

217. Do you wish you were in a weekly food fight?
No because I would rather be eating the food than wasting it. And undoubtedly I’d get hit with cheese, my mortal enemy, at some point, and would cry.

218. Would you say Martha Stewart is more of a bitch or a cunt?
Bitch, I suppose. She just isn’t as happy as I think she could be.

219. Kitties or puppies?
Puppies. Kitties scratch.

220. Kate Moss or some other coke fiend?
Another coke fiend. I think Kate Moss is too skinny.

221. Would you be interested in going on Atkins with me?
If you were seriously going to do it, I might support you and try myself. But from what I hear, Atkins isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

222. When did you stop calling your mom mommy?
I think I always called her Mom right from the get-go.

223. Do you think Playboy actually has good articles?
Who buys Playboy for the articles? Of course not.

224. Would you turn me in if you knew I committed murder?
You’re one of the few people I would stay quiet for. Unless of course you killed Star Jones, then I’d tell.

225. How often do you dust?
Only when I’m moving out of a place.

226. Would you like to have satin sheets?
Boy, I don’t know. I think I’ve had them before and they just weren’t that impressive.

227. Where would you like the mail order bride I am going to get you to come from?
You know how I flip for the Filipinos.

228. Do you like it when television shows end in a freeze frame?
Yes, because often that frame is quite funny and it definitely lets you know the show is over.

229. Will we still be good friends when I finally fuck that goat?
You haven’t yet? What are you waiting for cowboy?

230. Does Chili Davis deserve to be in the hall of fame?
Honestly I could see him getting a few votes, but he’s nowhere near good enough.

231. Did you ever consider being a proof reader for a living?
I could do it, because I am checking all of your questions for glaring errors, and I must say your grammar and typing skills far exceed your previous interview. There are just too many questions to worry much about fixing every little thing though.

232. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the words casting couch?
Jerry and George at NBC casting for “Jerry.”

233. Have you ever watched a whole John Wayne film?
I don’t think I’ve seen five minutes of a John Wayne film.

234. Oh my god Fred Savage is a guest on Boy Meets World how excited are you?
Dammit, I have to change my underwear again!

235. What is the most you ever spent on a haircut?
I know I’ve spent like $16, and that’s way too much in my book. Check Chapter 27, it’s all there.

236. What would be the reason you would be on the cover of Time?
For lying about something important and betraying the country’s trust.

237. Fred Savage is playing Ben Savage’s teacher is that believable?
It’s insulting to me and you, the big TV fans who know they’re brothers. Otherwise it’s okay.

238. I have never seen you buy a coffee have you?
No way. I hate coffee, but when I worked at AmericInn I would sometimes pour myself a glass to see if I could drink it or not. I usually finished it, but it was tough.

239. Do you think you’re cool?
I think people get the impression that I’m a pretty cool, laid-back dude. But of course I think I’m cool.

240. Did it bug you when you started getting hair on your toes?
It happened so gradually that I barely noticed.

241. What is your favorite baseball blooper?
There’s one clip of a guy who slides into second base way too early and winds up like ten feet short of the base. That always cracks me up.

242. Did you see Diary of a Mad Black Woman?
I didn’t, and haven’t really heard much about it. Should I?

243. Do you think you could recite 100 television shows without repeating yourself?
I think it’s very possible.

244. Is it possible to cross the line morally and not actually?
It’s a good question for debate, but I’d like to think you can do it.

245. Were you toilet trained at gun point?
No, but the butcher’s knife was also a good tool.

246. Did you like Jack Lemon?
I really only knew him from the Grumpy Old Men movies, which were moderately funny, so yes.

247. Would you ever push your professor if he hit on your girlfriend?
No because I would be more flattered than anything.

248. What is the strangest looking animal?
If you think about it, the porcupine is a little out there. But then again so is that one fish that lights up all different colors.

249. Do you like the word pedestrian or curriculum more?
Curriculum. It’s harder for most people to spell.

250. Do you consider yourself cheap?
In some ways. I will pay anything for a really good meal, and I spend entirely too much on baseball tickets and alcohol. But when it comes to making a major purchase, yes.

251. Would you be that upset if the US lost control of Hawaii?
We would just need a new fiftieth state is all. Then I’d get over it.

252. Do you think girls look good in flannel?
Some girls can pull off that look, but if you’re one of those girls who’s just too lazy to care, then it’s not as cool.

253. Would you watch a Blossom reunion special?
I don’t think so, mostly because I never watched it when it was on.

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254. Barcodes yay or nay?
Yay. They are handy for many reasons.

255. Have you ever seen a movie three times in the theater?
No, but I did see Ocean’s 11 twice in the same day in the same theater. Not because I liked it that much but because I went with two different groups of friends.

256. Does peppermint dental floss make you cranky?
It makes me cranky when my gums bleed from flossing.

257. Would you wear a bow tie for a year for $1,500?
No because I don’t have enough shirts that a bow tie could attach to.

258. Do you think you would look good with gray hair?
I think it will happen someday so I damn well better like it. Now that one 26-year old guy from American Idol who has gray hair for real, he can pull it off.

259. Do you want to live where soul meets body?
If you’re talking about Carpenter, been there done that.

260. Who has the best singing voice ever?
A young Meat Loaf belted a tune like few others. Honestly Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge had a pretty breathtaking voice too.

261. Do you think you will ever break my heart?
On a romantic level, I don’t think so, but just in general, it could happen. Let’s just hope that day doesn’t come.

262. Liz Winston once said “Nebraska is proof that hell is full, and the dead walk the earth” When are we killing Liz Winston or peeing on her grave?
The day her quote proves false… No, I kid. I love Nebraska. Just tell me when and where, dog.

263. What animal would you like to see substituted for horses at the Kentucky Derby?
Giraffes.

264. Do you wish you cared more about politics?
No, because my co-worker Aaron Pratt got voted on as some sort of Minnesota Republican leader and he now despises politics and doesn’t even like to talk about them. I take everything he says to heart.

265. If you had to share a twin bed with a man for one week would you like the man in drag?
It would make things that much more complicated I think.

266. Would you assassinate Billy Idol for $500,001?
No, I would feel bad for his family.

267. Pilgrims or Indians?
Pilgrims are a folklore. Indians are from India.

268. What do you think of when I say heavy flow?
A 16-oz. can of beer with a huge opening that you can guzzle quickly.

269. Have you ever pissed blood?
No thankfully. I know you have and it sickens me every time I hear it.

270. Do you find yourself being more entertained or frustrated by Step by Step’s confusing plot lines?
If not for Cody and that idiot Speedy kid who works for Frank, the plot lines would be easy and flowing.

271. When was the time you were most embarrassed to be seen with me?
When we were walking back from Marketing and you were drunk at 2pm clearing your throat really loud and everyone on campus was turning and staring. It was freaking hilarious but a part of me was very embarrassed since I knew so many of those people.

272. Would you rather have your left or right eye be lazy?
Right now the vision in my right eye seems way clearer, so left eye lazy.

273. Who do you think should honestly be running our country?
Bob Costas, and that’s my honest answer.

274. How many times a year do you look in a phone book?
Far less often than I used to. I’d say about ten times.

275. Who says you can’t go home?
I don't know who did say that, but I know Bon Jovi never said that. But hey, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright if you do go home.

276. Would you read War and Peace for $50?
Did you know that Tolstoy’s wife wanted him to name the book “War, What Is It Good For?” I would try to read it but I really don’t think I’d find it entertaining.

277. Do you feel your current job is going to allow you to make a difference in the world?
No, I’m not making a difference. I just hope I can find a way to make people look at these magazine ads and notice the subtle secretive items being dropped in and appreciate them.

278. What was the happiest you ever saw your brother Alex?
He’s so emotionless that it’s tough to say. When he’s happy he hides it well. There’s a picture of him as a toddler smiling very big by his training toilet which for some reason has a shoe in it.

279. What is the most annoying percussion instrument?
The bells in general. Only bands like A-Ha can use them well.

280. How sure are you that leprechauns don’t exist?
I just think if they were real they’d have been exploited by the media by now.

281. Lighter or matches?
Lighters are more fun, and matches are hard for me to light sometimes.

282. What do you think of when I say luck suck?
I honestly thought of some sort of sack lunch for some reason. Why, I have no idea.

283. Which award show are you most likely to watch?
The Emmys are my favorite. It’s the only awards show where sometimes my favorites are actually nominated for awards.

284. Do you think surfing the internet could become an addiction?
I think I saw on the news that it is already an addiction. I beat that addiction because I don’t surf anymore. I know what I want to see when I go online. Very rarely do I just sit down and explore the web.

285. Tell me an interesting story about eating lunch?
At lunch the other day on break at work, I went to a Chinese buffet with a co-worker who gave me a fish oil capsule that was guaranteed to make me focus better. It just made me drowsy.

286. What do you think of when I say Monk getup?
A black hooded cape.

287. If you read for the blind would you do voices?
Absolutely. That’s the greatest thing about reading aloud. I think when I was asked to read in church once that I used voices.

288. Catsup or ketchup?
Ketchup, but either way I don’t use the stuff.

289. What do you think of when I say enlarged prostate?
Nick Sandbulte finding the prostate commercial so funny. He turned and looked at me, hoping I would join in, but I found it disturbing that he was laughing.

290. I just saw the face of a girl I could fall madly in love with are you happy for me?
I am, but I don’t know if you will act on it like I wish you would.

291. How many junk e-mails do you get in a day?
Let’s see, four different e-mail accounts… about 73.

292. What is the cleverest name you have ever heard for a band?
Deep Blue Something was kinda original. I also liked the B-Sharps from Homer’s barbershop quarter.

293. Do you think patriotic underwear is sexy?
I think it’s sexy if you plan on being seen wearing them at a campaign.

294. Do you think Outkast will ever have a song as big as Hey Ya?
Yes, they are one of the only hip-hop groups I like. “Roses” was almost that big.

295. Would you give your left nut for back to back Twins World Series championships?
The funny and sad part is that if that was for real, I’d be getting dressed to go to the doctor to have it removed this instant.

296. Do you think you will ever run for senate?
No, politics aren’t my thing. I want to run for president as a very elaborate joke one day but not seriously.

297. Do you think R Kelly really peed on that girl?
Absolutely. And I think the girl was into it too.

298. Do you find Ryan Seacrest to be glib?
Some people think Seacrest is a big loser, but I am honestly a fan. He is glib.

299. Do you think the United States government administered aids like Kanye does?
I’m not sure what that question means exactly, but probably not.

300. Do you enjoy claymation?
Gumby is as good as it gets. It’s underused and underappreciated.

301. What do you think of when I say head on?
Me and that dumbass Pizza Hut delivery boy colliding at a Madison intersection on January 2, 2005 on my way to Sandbulte’s to watch the Chargers game. It wasn’t really head-on but it was a stupid accident that shouldn’t have happened.

302. I thought I just lost the can opener and was worried I would have to buy another, have you ever experienced that kind of terror?
All too often. I was going to make some Van de Kamp’s fish today and thought we had a baking sheet to put in the oven, then realized we didn’t. Terror rang through my body momentarily and then I made a Marie Callendar’s TV dinner.

303. Do you even notice what a television program is rated?
Only when there’s that message before the show.

304. Would you agree that the war on cancer is experiencing both success and failure?
Yes because I thought it would have a certain cure by now.

305. Would you agree that self improvement is masturbation?
Again not quite sure what that means, but no. Masturbation is the opposite.

306. What do you think of when I say circadian rhythms?
High school band.

307. Do you find striped shirts slimming?
I find they make me pouty looking.

308. What do you think your chances of dying poor and lonely are?
A lot worse than I would have thought a year ago at this time.

309. Driving wheel or steering wheel?
What’s a driving wheel?

310. By the time you and Nick are done living together what percentage of the stains will be yours?
10%. As messy as I am at times, I think Nick is slightly messier.

311. How do you feel about the band 311?
Nicky Volin used to do a dance to one of their songs, otherwise I don’t even know who they are.

312. Snowmen or sandmen?
Sandmen are more whimsical.

313. Drinking your dinner is it ever a good idea?
Absolutely. Sometimes you just have to go down that road.

314. Happy Days or Mamas Family?
Oh wow. I watched a lot of each, but I soon realized how horrible of a show Mama’s Family was and what a waste of space I felt like after watching five hours of it per week in the summer of the late 90’s.

315. What do you love about Memorial Day?
There’s never any school or work.

316. Do you consider yourself a good swimmer?
Not really. I can do a mean back float but I couldn’t swim more than 100 yards. And I sure as hell can’t tread water.

317. Do you know when to quit?
It depends on what we are talking about, but sometimes I go too far.

318. Are you a Michael Moore fan?
Yes, big fan. I buy into every word that man says.

319. Would you have any interest in getting a crocodile drunk?
If I was angry with it, yes.

320. Razzle or dazzle?
Dan Gladden’s nickname is the Dazzleman, so definitely Dazzle.

321. When will farts stop being funny?
When people start slapping me for farting.

322. Are you a good sledder?
It’s not a matter of being good at sledding, it’s just something that you like or don’t like, and I do like it.

323. What do you think of when I say melty delight?
Some sort of chocolate/Sunny Delight concoction.

324. Would you be upset if the word culinary was done away with?
Not really, because it’s just a fancy way of talking about food.

325. Have you ever faked an orgasm?
You didn’t know when I faked with you, I take it.

326. What was your first impression of Patrick Lynch?
Unattainable. He seemed so above me when I started at VF, mostly because I recognized him from a VF brochure at my college. He just looked so smug in that picture that I figured I’d never be comfortable working with him, and that’s a true story.

327. Who sings that song she thinks my tractors sexy?
I don’t know off hand, but it sounds like a Kenny Chesney song.

328. What secret ingredient would you suggest for Iron Chef?
Coyote saliva and grenadine.

329. Are you as pissed as I am that Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk was number 1 on CMT’s list?
I remember the first time I watched that video. It was around Thanksgiving and the family sat around the TV just laughing at the idiocy of it all. I never dreamt it would become so popular, but the fact that Steve likes it so much makes me glad it’s doing well.

330. Do you think Robert Downey Jr. will go back to rehab?
I think he’s clean for good this time.

331. What is your favorite oxymoron?
Deafening silence is a good example. Short home run. Hard bunt.

332. Would you still eat at Timber Lodge if it was renamed Fucky Fuck’s Steak Cabin?
I think I’d be more likely to eat there.

333. I was surprised fuck’s didn’t show up on spell check are you?
No. It is in the dictionary as a real word now.

334. What was the nicest thing anybody ever did for you?
I was tickled pink when I saw my name on the scoreboard at the Metrodome on my birthday, but there have been large cash gifts and cars and stuff given to me by the folks.

335. Say something pretty in Italian?
Jon Bongiovi.

336. Shit or shat?
I don’t believe in the past tense of shit.

337. What is your favorite curse word?
Actually I like to throw the word “hell” around a lot. It works on so many levels.

338. Were you offended by Roots?
I never saw it, but I know the premise and it sounds like it’s just factual.

339. What is the longest you have gone without changing your underwear?
I wore the same ones for seven days at Nesodak, that bible camp, in 1997. I just flat-out forgot to bring any extras. I believe you can get away with wearing the same pair for two days, not one.

340. Cheetos or Snapple?
Snapple. You know I don’t like cheese!

341. Racecars can only make left turns true or false?
I heard that you believed that was true, but how would they pull out of the pit stops?

342. What is your favorite Minnesota town name?
Chaska has that Shasta sound to it. It’s a crisp and refreshing name.

343. Salvation Army or Goodwill?
Goodwill. I’m not much for the armed forces.

344. When do you think you will stop hating Eskimos?
The day one of them finally apologizes to me for their wrong-doings.

345. What are the chances of Billy Ray Cyrus making a comeback?
I think he was always pretty good; he just will forever be associated with his one awful song “Achy Breaky Heart.” He should have never recorded that because he has so many good songs and it ruined him. He needs to release a real good album and he could do it.

346. What actress has aged the worst?
Judith Light from Who’s the Boss is aging rapidly.

347. Would you consider yourself homophobic?
No, but I just don’t know any gay people that well.

348. Are you more of a pony or a stallion?
I like to think of myself as a mare, actually.

349. Would you club a seal for the best piece of cake you will ever have?
Out of self defense maybe. Seals are vicious though, if Arrested Development has taught me anything.

350. What was the first movie you saw in the theater?
It was either “Follow That Bird” or an Ernest movie.

351. Have you ever had an ear infection?
I did in junior high and it’s much less pleasant than I imagined it would be.

352. How many times a year do you put on a Limp Bizkit CD?
Never. I am not a fan.

353. Sausage or Bacon?
Both are good, but I think I’d take bacon.

354. Would you like to do something sometime?
Yeah, we should hang out someday.

355. What would you like me to get you for your next birthday?
I liked your idea last year of getting me that pear brandy, as tough as it was to drink. You take me to a concert of some random band and I’ll be happy.

356. Have you ever been just a total bitch?
I’m sure certain people think so, especially Brandon Elsing from Valleyfair when I told him he couldn’t sit in his game.

357. Who has the best butt you have ever seen?
I remember at a party at DSU I told Chris that this one girl Jackie had a nice butt, and she overheard me. And then I was retelling that story to Bryan Ahrendt and she overheard that too.

358. How would you suggest I commit suicide?
Going on a hike through the Canadian wilderness with no food, water, or weapons.

359. The ability to fly or the ability to love?
Well that’s two totally different ideas there. I like the sound of flying, but I know I’d fly into some power lines or something.

358. What was the longest you ever spent in a chat room?
Well, back in ’99 when I chatted with Brandon Hanson’s girlfriend Kristin Olsen on a nightly basis, we’d sometimes chat for like four hours. I can’t do that anymore and I don’t know how I did it then.

359. Should Bret Farve come back next year?
Yes, but not with the Packers. I want him to be one of those guys like Emmitt Smith who was done and should have walked away but played a couple more bad years with a team that no one will ever remember. I think he should go to Houston.

360. What is your favorite Ryan Glanzer moment?
There are a few to pick from, but my favorites are from that senior year of high school basketball when I started and the team was really good.

361. What is your favorite Danny Glover movie?
Angels in the Outfield. He was a great manager.

362. What sound do you find most annoying?
A printer warming up for like seven minutes.

363. Crack or heroin?
I’ve heard good things about heroin, but that’s really just heresy.

364. Have you ever undressed someone with your eyes?
Yes but after the bra I realized my eyelids weren’t strong enough and my retinas were getting scratched up.

365. What is a question you will never answer?
I won’t tell people what I really think of them even if I hate them.

366. Do you remember when you discovered your first pube?
No, but I remember when a friend in fourth grade did and he made damn sure everyone knew about it.

367. Have you ever licked a dog?
I wouldn’t do that. I barely touch animals with my hands.

368. Did you ever make a mud pie?
Yes and I put a twig in it.

369. Complete this phrase “I like em……?
I like Ember’s restaurant we stopped at on the way back to the Cities on New Year’s Day.

370. Would you ever wrestle a greased pig?
Alcohol would have to play a factor and it would have to be blind.

371. Dwarfism fact or fiction?
Fact, but don’t they prefer the term midget?

372. What do you think of when I say cellar door?
That old children’s rhyme about sliding down a cellar door and we’ll be jolly friends forever more. More. More more more.

373. When was the last time your ass sweated?
God, when I woke up on your couch this morning I was soaked from it being so hot in the house.

374. Would you consider yourself well rounded?
I am a college grad, and that’s the whole point of going to college over a 2-year school is to be well-rounded. Plus, that beer gut is rounding me out physically.

375. Does size matter?
If we’re talking about food portions, yes. Damn Leann Chin robbed me blind with that tiny $8 plate. I still can’t get over that.

376. Do you think you would direct a good episode of Joey?
I’m not too sure that show has much going for it, so it might be difficult. I’d try though.

377. What is your favorite Arrested Development quote?
That is going to be impossible to answer, but I always like where Michael sends George Michael into that house and later finds out they cops were inside with guns drawn ready to fire. I forget exactly what he even says but I laughed very hard.  And I know I'm stealing this one from Liz, but when Gob throws that dead dove back into the ocean and yells "repent from whence ye came!"

378. Say something nice about vomit.
It’s easier to clean up than diarrhea.

379. Battleship or Stratego?
Battleship only because I’ve never played the other.

380. Do you think god likes money?
I don’t think he does because he banks at TCF and we all know it sucks.

381. Do you think clams have souls?
If we have souls, they have souls.

382. Do you believe in karma?
Only after watching a season of “My Name Is Earl.” Before I didn’t.

383. Mario or Luigi?
Mario because he has been around longer, from way back in those Donkey Kong games. Plus Luigi was kinda a prick that time I met him outside that Denver Ihop.

384. What do you think of when I say critical situation?
You’re out of beer before 11pm.

385. How often do you skip breakfast?
90% of the time. I did make some oatmeal the other day which was really rare. Sometimes there’s free rolls or bagels at work.

386. What is the hardest word you have ever been asked to spell?
There was a Crayola crayon called something like “chartruese” that I still don’t know how to spell, and it doesn’t even come up on spellcheck.

387. Without looking what do you think the last word in the dictionary is?
Zynder.

388. What will your last words be?
Pass me one more piece of that Cinnabon cheesecake.

389. Which limb would you give up first?
Left leg. I still want to be able to type.

390. Have you ever found the happy birthday song inappropriate?
Only when it’s sung to someone who specifically asked it not be sung to them and they get mad about it.

391. Did you ever have to sing the happy birthday song to Jesus on Christmas?
Oh, probably. That is pretty lame. There are so many Christmas songs as is.

392. How many keys do you have?
Six. One from work, one for my car, and four different apartment keys.

393. Did you ever read that book Dinotopia?
Maybe, it sounds really familiar.

394. Please or fuck off?
My family can attest to this, that I used to refuse to say the word “please.” I sometimes would go without dinner for not saying that word, and even today I really think it’s inappropriate. It just sounds like you’re begging.

395. Would you rather look good or feel good?
If I look good then I probably would feel good, unless I was sick.

396. When do you think you lost your innocence?
The day fifth grade teacher Brian Sumption demonstrated how girls have periods by standing over the trash can pretending to bleed during sex ed talk.

397. When was the last time you stuck your tongue out at somebody?
That’s funny, it has been way too long. I don’t know that it’s happened in the last fifteen years.

398. What is your favorite 3 letter word?
Win. I like it when I win.

399. Do you prefer questioning or answering?
Answering. I love both, but this is a lot of fun.

400. Yellow Submarine or Blue Velvet?
What’s Blue Velvet? I don’t care much for the submarine song.

401. Do you like the word asylum?
The word itself is actually kinda cool sounding.

402. How far would your hair have to recede before you shaved it all off?
I’m not sure I’d ever shave it all off. I don’t think that look would work for me.

403. How similar do you think our senses of humor are?
Extremely similar, except you like to do disgusting things for cheap laughs and I like to lie and make people believe something totally irrelevant to anything and then tell them it’s a lie. Then again you loved “The Aristocrats” and I thought it was boring.

404. Do you think I will ever tell you I love you like a brother without being sloppy drunk?
I think you have before, but I imagine I’ll hear it at an important moment like a wedding or something.

405. Doghouse or catfight?
Catfight. Although Randy Jackson makes a strong case.

406. How important are comfortable chairs?
I’m not too picky when it comes to chairs, but couches need to be very comfortable or they’re worthless.

407. Do you say oh no or oh yes more?
“Oh no.” I might say “oh yeah” but not “oh yes.”

408. What was the best album released in 1989?
Tom Petty’s “Full Moon Fever.”

409. Have you ever written graffiti in a bathroom stall?
I think of it sometimes before realizing I don’t have a pen on me.

410. Which celebrity would you like to see naked?
Tracy Gold from “Growing Pains.”

411. Do you put deodarant on every day?
I forget once in a while but I try to do it every day.

412. Do you think you will ever join a health club?
No, if I have to pay to be healthy I’ll just walk outside or something instead.

413. Would you like to have sex on an airplane?
I just don’t know how that would work. Those bathroom stalls are too small.

414. Did your parents spank you?
Very rarely if ever. I don’t really remember it happening.

415. Do you like shopping for shoes?
No, I actually hate it. I always end up buying the first pair I try on just to get the hell out of the store.

416. What do you think of when I say level best?
Tetris maybe?

417. When was the last time you were on a trampoline?
It might have been at Holly Jabs’ house in 2002 at a VF party. It has been a really long time.

418. Would you change the way you live if you knew there was no afterlife?
No. I haven’t been convinced of an afterlife as it is now.

419. When you are in doubt do you check it out?
I usually ask someone to check it out for me.

420. Are you a habitual pot smoker?
No, I couldn’t afford that habit.

421. Have you ever used bread to clean up a spill?
Wow, that’s as random as a question gets. I think I’ve wiped up peanut butter off a counter with bread and then eaten it if that counts.

422. When was the last time you busted a move?
To be perfectly honest I danced along to “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” while brushing my hair the other night before going to your house.

423. What is your favorite black and white film?
Maybe Citizen Kane or the beginning and end of Wizard of Oz.

424. Do you think Vincent Arp would dodge a bullet for you?
If it was to impress Kayla, then yes.

425. What is the best photo you have ever taken?
That one of me with Shayla, Jeff, and Neil at the rehire party from ’05 is the best of me.  The best I've taken is that Minneapolis cityscape.

426. Would you be upset if someone considered you a swinger?
I’m not sure, but I think I asked you that same question word for word, which is eerily weird. I would wonder why someone would say that about me, but I wouldn’t be mad.

427. Do you know how to operate a sewing machine?
No and I think I would hurt myself doing so.

428. They say knowledge is a tree do you agree?
Knowledge is more like popcorn. First you have the kernel and then it explodes into a world of understanding.

429. Would you rather learn the metric system or karate?
Karate takes too much effort and I don’t have the will power.

430. Do you pee in the shower?
I used to do it a lot out of spite but now that I have my own shower I like to keep in clean.

431. What is your favorite cycle of the moon?
The traditional quarter moon is where it’s at.

432. What do you think of when I say polar expedition?
The polar bears from the Christmas Coke commercials.

433. What is your favorite drinking game?
Ride the Bus or P&A.

434. How often do you order popcorn at a movie?
It’s always too expensive, so rarely.

435. Do you think U2 deserved 5 Grammys?
Considering I didn’t even know they were doing anything over the last year, no.

436. Are you going to see the Curious George movie?
No, that man in the yellow hat always rubbed me the wrong way.

437. Kodak or Polaroid?
Kodak. I had a bad experience with a digital camera from Polaroid. Plus MB, Inc. makes some Kodak kiosk equipment.

438. How many times a year do you buy the Sunday paper?
Once at most. I get my info online.

439. Would you rather win the Nobel peace prize or an eating contest?
Nobel. I can out-eat most people any day.

440. Honestly how disgusting was 912 North Egan?
There were times it was really bad, especially the morning after the ornament eating. Your basement room was a disgusting mess too.

441. Would you like to experience an avalanche?
I’d like to see one from a distance but not be right in the middle of it.

442. Do you think poker chips should be sold at grocery stores?
Yeah, people will buy anything impulsively.

443. Would you be my personal assistant for ten thousand a year plus room and board?
Boy that would be damn hard to say no to.

444. When was the last time you yelled at the television?
Probably when I tuned in to watch American Idol and it was a presidential address on.

445. Would you party in the streets if the Wild won the Stanley Cup?
Yes and I know you, Patrick, Steve, and Nick would all be there beside me.

446. Do you like your ice crushed?
No because it melts faster and waters down my drink.

447. How bad do you want it?
More than you’ll ever know.

448. Do you think the moon landing was fake?
It seems way too elaborate to be fake.

449. Have you ever watched a whole Shirley Temple movie?
No, that’s before my time.

450. Did you ever call your grandpa gramps?
I may have a couple times but I just call him Grandpa Bell.

451. What do you think of when I say blind faith?
A Christian rock group that would suck.

452. Would you like to have a big lawn someday?
I don’t do that much backyard stuff, so it wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t.

453. When was the last time you called a plumber?
In 2005 at 912 North Egan. I think I did that several times.

454. Have you ever kissed a girl who had braces?
Hmm… I honestly don’t think I have. But it’s hard to remember after 500 or so.

455. What do you think of when I say tough love?
Mike Holmgren getting down and dirty in bed with a pelican.

456. Do you think Norm McDonald is funny?
Not really. His humor was okay but didn’t really hit home with me.

457. Will you spank your kids?
Doubtfully. I’ll probably just deprive them of classic TV.

458. What was the best free sample you ever had?
I got a thing of Edge Power Gel that lasted almost a year.

459. When was the last time you said darling?
Probably within the last year to Amanda, but I was probably not being serious because I don’t really use that word.

460. What was the first joke you remember?
The stupid chicken and the road joke. It can barely be considered a joke.

461. Do you think you will go to all 50 states before you die?
I would bet on 47. I think I’ll fall short.

462. Do you think Tom Hanks is attractive?
He’s just okay. He’s no Colin Hanks.

463. Spam or sperm?
After seeing Chris devour a can of Spam with a spoon, I’d say sperm.

464. What was the longest paper you ever had to write?
I had to write two 20-page papers for a Wayne Pauli class in one semester, and it really wasn’t that awful.

465. Do all good things really have to come to an end?
Yes, just like all bad things.

466. When was the last time you were really full?
After eating at the Chaska Chinese buffet last week Monday. It was uncomfortable.

467. Do you count how long you are peeing in your head?
Yes, and I swear I can go over 100 seconds at normal pressure. Amanda once bet me that I couldn’t go for a full minute, and I have since surpassed that plateau on a number of occasions.

468. What are the chances of you becoming a monk?
Very slim. I really don’t even know what they do.

469. Who has the best chicken wings?
I really like Jersey’s in Madison, but who can argue with BWW?

470. Would you like to mud wrestle?
Yes, that’s something I should try to do this week.

471. What is your favorite Nicole Kidman movie?
I liked Moulin Rouge. The Others was okay but not the greatest.

472. Who was your favorite boy band?
There was a time when 98 Degrees was respectable.

473. Would you like it if there were 25 hours in a day?
No, that would likely mean another hour of work.

474. How often do you relax?
Three hours a day six days a week.

475. Pork or salmon?
There’s some good smoked salmon at the Chaska Chinese buffet but pork is generally better.

476. Have you ever painted your toes?
I think some girl once painted my toenails purple and it took forever to get it off.

477. Is it scary talking to girls?
No, I’m not scared. It’s just a matter of finding something interesting to keep their attention.

478. Is it scary holding babies?
I think Jordan probably freaked out the first time I tried to hold Peyton. It was so awkward.

479. Is it scary waking up in the morning?
Only when I think I’ve overslept.

480. Would you rather make a studio or a live album?
Live album because the screaming crowd would make me feel better about my abilities.

481. Do you think you could put together a solid stand up routine?
Yeah, but I’d probably do just as good doing an impromptu routine. Thinking about it too much would make me crazy.

482. Do you think we will ever discover time travel?
No way. That is something that is so unrealistic it’s ridiculous.

483. Who is your favorite power ranger?
I always liked Billy, the 28-year old pretending to be a high schooler in the original series. “Affirmative.”

484. Would you rather strike out Derek Jeter or hit a homerun at Wrigley?
Hit a home run and stare down Derek Jeter as I rounded the bases.

485. Have you ever panned for gold?
No, but I used to watch that show on the Outdoor Channel “Gold Fever” starring Tom Massey. It was the most pathetically produced show ever.

486. Have you experienced a state of bliss?
Maybe but I can’t pinpoint the moment. I think when Denny Hocking caught that pop foul to send the Twins to the ALCS in 2002, I was so ecstatic that I did a lap around the DSU campus waving that giant homer hanky I made.

487. Dou you get excited when you see a monkey?
I get anxious to see what fun they have planned.

488. When was the last time you had to write in cursive that wasn’t your signature?
I don’t know that I’ve been forced to do so, but from time to time I like to switch it up some.

489. Does it annoy the piss out of you that I don’t know how to properly use your/you’re?
That is seriously annoying, but the fact that the Denny Hecker auto commercials screwed it up was beyond annoying. You can get away with it, but if it goes on TV, that’s just sad.

490. Have you ever stabbed someone?
Maybe with a toothpick or something that wouldn’t puncture the skin.

491. Would you rather operate a tank or a submarine?
I have operated a tank before when our class took a field trip to the National Guards in Huron.

492. Whatever became of that guy with the birthmark?
Gorbecav? I think he’s still alive.

493. Do you like Mark Summers?
Honestly, no. I liked some of the shows he hosted but he was never that great.

494. Do you have a foot fetish?
I will rub someone’s foot and not be disgusted by it, but I don’t get turned on by feet.

495. Do you feel dirty when you say the word oral?
Yes, that’s why I can never by Oral-B dental products.

496. Do you know how to score a game of tennis?
No and it’s always baffled me.

497. Harmonica or harp?
Harmonicas because Travis & Jonny use them in their act.

498. Do you run better when you are naked?
No, I need shoes. Even grass hurts my feet.

499. Are you sincere when you drink?
Much moreso than when I don’t drink. The more I drink, the more honest I become.

500. What would your last meal be?
Famous Dave’s family platter.